“What is your favorite color?” This was a question God asked me a few years ago and I honestly couldn’t answer it. When asked this question before, I had always answered “blue” or “green” because these were my parent’s favorite colors. Seriously, I had no clue. As I started to think on the question God put in my heart, it began to bother me that I really didn’t know the answer! What IS my favorite color?
Realizing I didn’t know my favorite color was just the beginning of an incredible journey of discovering who I am and who God created me to be. Just recently something shifted and I gained a whole new understanding of my identity.
I realized I believed a lie. A lie that Christians are supposed to be extroverts, bubbly socialites who can talk to anyone anywhere and share their personal stories and with others. After all, as a Christian, this is what I’m called to do right?!
There’s a problem here. Saying all Christians are supposed to be extroverted, and bubbly socialites isn’t true. I had, for far too long, believed I wasn’t a good Christian because I couldn’t be quite as outgoing as everyone else. See, I’m more of an introvert kind of girl. I believed I wasn’t reaching people or doing what God wanted me to do if I wasn’t out making friends daily, having hordes of women over to my house on a weekly basis for small group, or talking to EVERY single person I’ve ever seen in public and sharing Jesus with them.
The pressure I was putting on myself was creating debilitating insecurities and awkwardness, stealing my joy, confidence and sense of community. The lie was growing into an even bigger one and I began to believe I was losing my mind. For real. I tried to be someone I’m not for so long, I began to believe there wasn’t a place for me anywhere but alone in my home with my own thoughts.
A few months ago, my church (Valley Creek Church) did a series called “Alignment“. The series focus was on unity as a church, as God’s people and with God. My prayer throughout the whole series was for God to unify our church, our family and myself with Him. He began to show me a few places in my life where I was believing a lie and not in alignment with Him. This lie / false belief about my identity surfaced. I believed I wasn’t good enough because I struggled so much to be an outgoing Christian. I was letting down God, my church, my family and myself. I wasn’t living up to my potential and I wasn’t living out my purpose.
Ahh, but then God. He began to speak to me about some of the things about myself I’ve considered “quirky” or “weird”. Stuff like my tendency to daydream. I will think on something so intently and for so long, I lose track of time and certain tasks. As a kid (and an adult), this was super inconvenient and got me into a heap of trouble. I was labeled imaginative, dreamer, idealist, believer, hopeful and not in a good way. I would spend hours chastising myself for getting too carried away with ridiculous thoughts. I’d tell myself “Stop dreaming, you’re supposed to be working!”, but God spoke life into me. He told me this was how He created me. He made me to think on things, to go down those rabbit trails and invite Him along on the journey so He can reveal His secrets to me. It’s OK to be WILD with my imagination. What I thought was a flaw, is actually the thing that connects me to God in one of the most intimate ways. I’m born to dream and imagine with Him. There’s so much peace and freedom from this. I can’t wait to see where He takes me from here. We’ve already started dreaming something up together. I can’t wait to share, but in the mean time, here’s my prayer for you!
I pray you ask Him to align your heart with His. I pray you receive the identity as a son or a daughter He has just for you. From that place of receiving identity, I pray you grow in your relationship with Him and the two of you carry out His kingdom advancing purposes hand in hand. I pray you find the true freedom that only He can bring. I pray you discover your identity in Him and you are restored to His original design for you. I pray He reveals lies from the enemy that may have made you feel like you weren’t good enough. I pray you become who He says you are and not what the world says. And for those of you who don’t know, I pray you find out your favorite color…Mine’s red. 😉