Truly Grateful

Today is the day after Wes’ Gotcha Day. It was 10 years ago that Wes became an official Jackson. Matt and I both know that he was born a Jackson, but it’s been officially on paper since August 8, 2006.

As I looked back at pictures from tha1936413_1187888378175_7614033_nt awesome day, I can’t help but see God’s goodness and faithfulness through the whole process. Looking back, I also see that His goodness and faithfulness didn’t just start there. He began His good and perfect plan way before that day. And while I’m sure He’s still fully invested in this good and perfect plan, there are times when I’m certain He’s forgotten me.

I don’t have time to go into all of the details, but I’ve been struggling with some health issues for a while. It has kept me from driving and has forced me to rearrange my life. Matt has become the grocery shopper, chauffeur for both myself and the kids and housekeeper. I’ve had days where I feel like this thing is gone and before I get back into the swing of things, it comes back.

I’ve been struggling in a land of doubt for quite a while now, and my hopes in fixes for this problem have been smashed one by one. Today seems closer to an answer and an end than any other time, but it has been one crazy ride. I’ve begged God for relief and healing. His answer?…”Not yet.”

I’ve literally screamed out “Not yet?!” over and over again. With your standard “Why me?” and a bunch of other expletives I won’t mention. My walk, faith, security, value and identity have all come into question. I’ve asked Him the hard things like; “Do you hear me?”, “Are you really good?”, “Why won’t you talk to me?”, and “Why have you left me?”. I’ve come to really appreciate the writings of King David in the Psalms. I am just like him! In love with God one minute, and feeling completely angry and abandoned the next.

Unfortunately, I can’t say that I’ve received revelation or answers to all of my questions above, but I have realized, once again, He’s all I have. I no longer question his real-ness. Now I’m walking through His love for me and learning how to see it and receive it…even when it feels like He’s turned His back on me.

This morning as I was praying the Holy Spirit kept pulling my attention away from my words to God and lead me to some old pictures instead. As I was looking through them, my heart got smacked with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. And there it was…God’s faithfulness and love for me. It’s been there the whole time. Since before I could ever walk or talk. He’s been at work on my behalf even when I couldn’t see it. Even when I had Wes and didn’t know how things were going to work out. He had a plan when I thought He abandoned me. And just like He had a plan then, He has a plan now. I am sure that in another 10 years, I will be looking back at pictures from this time in my life and see how His plan was in the works.

I wouldn’t’ be totally honest with you if I didn’t share the thought that crept into my mind not even a split second after the flood of gratitude. Fear…fear that at any moment all of the things I am grateful for could be snatched away or fear of what my life would’ve been without Him. Satan seems to be pretty quick with his attacks these days.

That fear stopped me dead in my tracks and I began to recognize the attack from the enemy.  True gratefulness doesn’t come from the knowledge of what we could lose or what could’ve been. True gratefulness comes from the revelation of our Father’s love for us and receiving His grace. No, I don’t deserve what He has given me. I don’t deserve His good and perfect plan, but He loves me enough to give it to me. To work things out for me on my behalf. And it could have, but didn’t stop with a Ticket to Heaven. His plan was salvation AND some. Jesus so I could be with Him for eternity in Heaven, but also Jesus so I could have a relationship with Him and have a full and abundant life here on this Earth.

Today I pray that you experience true gratitude. I pray you aren’t grateful because of what could’ve been, or because of what you could someday lose, but simply because of what He has chosen to give you. And the fact that has been His plan all along. To love you and provide for you your whole life. Receive that!  Yes, it’s true things would be and could be so much worse without Him, but that’s not the point. He loves you, and that’s what I’m choosing to be grateful for.

And if you’re in the same place as me…flip flopping back and forth between remembering His goodness and feeling alone, I pray He reminds you of His faithfulness for your whole life, like He did for me this morning. I pray you are able to see past your current circumstances and stand firm on His goodness and faithfulness from before. Pray for me as I continue to walk this out and I will continue to pray for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

More Than a Ticket to Heaven

What are you worth? If you were to be bought today for a price today, what do you think the price tag would read? $1000? $1 million? Maybe yours would say, “Damaged 50% off” or “$10,000 OBO” maybe even “Priceless”. I myself didn’t realize I had an internal measure of self-worth until my loving God pointed it out to me.

While listening to some music on a drive yesterday afternoon, He said to me “You are worthy to receive My glory.” I’ll repeat that again because it’s definitely worth repeating. YOU…(Carolyn Ann Jackson)…are WORTHY to receive MY glory.” As I let this sink in, He began to reveal more and more to me.

The greatest gift of all time, the gift of the death, burial and resurrection of His son Jesus Christ was a gift that I am worthy of. He didn’t send Jesus for garbage, He sent Jesus for treasure.

He didn’t send Jesus for garbage, He sent Jesus for treasure.

It’s not like He said “Ehhh, I guess I can make a way for her. I’ll just squeeze her in riiiiight here.”

No, TREASURE. More like “How can I make a way for this precious girl to spend all of eternity with me?! I know! I’ll send my son!” I’ve always been precious to Him, worthy of Him from the beginning. I am worth Jesus to Him.

If I’m worthy of the greatest gift of all, then why wouldn’t I be worthy of any other good gift He wants to give me? It began with Jesus, but it doesn’t stop there. He proved His goodness once and for all with the cross, but that’s not where it stops. He keeps giving because giving is His nature.

For the longest time, I saw salvation as a ticket to get into Heaven and all of the other good gifts He has for me are to be received there. My ticket to heaven was the best gift of all, how could I ask for more? What I didn’t realize was the ticket was redeemable for not only salvation, which is priceless in and of itself, but the ticket also includes a full life here on this earth. (John 10:10) Today.Admit One

Included in the ticket is rest, provision, and hope. A relationship with the one true God. Grace, mercy, forgiveness and love. It’s not just a pass to enter into the pearly gates, but also for a full life today.

Today I pray you will accept His good gifts along with me. I pray you see that you too are worthy to receive His glory. I pray a prayer of thankfulness for His greatest gift of all in Jesus and His promises for a full life in Him. I thank Him for His kindness, and for the works He is doing in me and in the lives of His people, and that He is faithful to complete them. I am thankful that He never quits, never stops. I am thankful He always provides, always loves, and always brings peace and hope into any and all circumstances. I pray for a fresh revelation of the COMPLETE gift of Jesus, not just a ticket to Heaven, but one that’s redeemable for a lifetime of his love and faithfulness.

 

A Prayer and Declaration for Today

God,

Today I pray and declare, I am blessed by You. Restored by You. Redeemed by You. Loved and treasured by You. Full of hope and authority from You and with You. I have great things coming my way because my Father promised me and because He is good. I have unlimited resources FOR ME readily available right now. I have everything I need to be a co-laborer with Christ and to do the good works that He has prepared in advance for me to do.

Today, I will focus on my good good Father and the love He has for me and His people. Today I will ask Him to set others free. Today I will pray for breakthrough for all of my family and friends. For those He puts in my path and in my heart. Today I will see the goodness of the Lord in my life and the lives of others. Today I will recognize those things, call them forth into the lives of others and declare His works are alive and active.

He is the same God of yesterday, today and tomorrow. I know His works well in my life and in the lives of His people in this age and from before. I am confident of His good works in the future and beyond my generation and my children’s generation. I will remember His good gifts to me and I will talk about them with love and thanksgiving.

I am thankful for You God. You are faithful, full of life and love. The life and love You have are for ME. Today, I take my portion and thank You for giving me double.

Today I say to the world “He is good. His mercy, love, faithfulness, hope and good gifts are for all of His people. Won’t you join me in receiving?”

Today I declare Your goodness to all of the nations. What You have done, what You are doing and what You still have yet to do. I am thankful. I am proud to be Your daughter and proud to be seen with YOU. God, fill my heart with more of Your hope. Fill my mouth with praises and fill my life with more of of You.

Be blessed by me today Lord, in all the ways that I can. I want to serve You. I am thankful You call me friend. In our friendship, we have dreamed great dreams together. In our relationship we have come to know each other and I have come to understand my earthly limitations and how You designed me to be mighty and powerful and live beyond them with You.

Today, I accept what You chose to give me and pray for the opportunity to use it and give it all away. I am thankful for You God.

In Jesus’ name…Amen.

Jackson Family Fall 2014_MG_0401-c